WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

A Brief Investigation Into the Most Important Question in Any Apartment

There is a moment in every apartment when you smell something.

You don't know what it is.

You don't know where it came from.

You don't know how long it has been there.

But you know one thing:

Something is wrong.

This is when the investigation begins.

You stop whatever you're doing.

You sniff again.

Nothing.

You walk three feet.

There it is.

You turn around.

Gone.

This is the first stage of What Is That Smell?

The second stage is denial.

You check the refrigerator.

The trash.

The sink.

The garbage disposal.

Did someone fart?

You briefly consider the possibility.

You move on.

Did we not collect all the eggs from the Easter egg hunt?

You dismiss the possibility.

You do not, however, stop looking.

You look suspiciously at the cat.

The cat looks back at you with the expression of someone who has retained legal counsel.

At some point, you will discover the source.

It will almost always be something profoundly stupid.

An onion.

A forgotten container.

A damp towel.

Something you cannot identify but are afraid to touch.

And sometimes, after twenty minutes of searching, you will find absolutely nothing.

The smell will simply disappear.

This is the most disturbing outcome.

Because now you know it can come back.

And it knows that you know.

So the next time you walk into your apartment and catch the faintest whiff of something, don't panic.

Stand still.

Sniff.

Begin the investigation.

And remember:

The apartment is innocent until proven smelly.